My own story of healing
For much of my life, I struggled with feeling disconnected from myself and those around me. I felt as though I did not quite belong anywhere. I had a complex and challenging relationship with my neurodivergence, my gender and self expression, my Jewish faith and identity, and with the communities I happened to be born into.
Becoming more aware of the world around me meant– as it does for most of us– becoming more aware of the systemic oppressions and injustices we are surrounded by. I did not know what to do with my anger, my feelings of powerlessness and overwhelm.
I went to school to study contemporary philosophy as a way to find more meaning and connection. And at times, I loved studying the poetic introspections of revolutionary minds. I loved being part of a dialogue that spanned centuries. But much of the time, I was too unwell to study at all.
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My mind and body tried many avenues to get my attention that something was wrong. I became ridden with physical and psychological symptoms and diagnoses which could spell out most of the alphabet. Finally, when my suffering became unbearable, I listened. A place deep inside of me finally rung the alarm of “things are not okay” loud enough that I could hear it, over my long learned dismissal of myself. And what I heard, quite clearly by that point, was that I could not feel safe anywhere because I did not feel safe in my own body and mind.
My healing began with the non dualistic spiritual practices of Yoga and Buddhism. These practices led towards Gestalt therapy which was, for me, a kind of coming home. Through the creative, relational explorations of Gestalt, I have found that I can feel safe with other people and I can feel safe in my own body. I found that, even though no one will understand my experience in the way that I do, it is still possible for me to feel connected, supported and loved.
What I discovered was that my disconnection from my embodied experience was a fundamental disconnection from the present moment. I was stuck in my memories, stories, and anticipations. Reconnecting with my body has meant becoming unstuck from old, painful and isolated ways of being.
It is not that connecting with the present moment has meant the end of suffering. Rather, what I have found– and continue to find – is an expansion into my whole self. I have found that I am full of resources I didn’t know I had. These resources mean I no longer rely on feelings of fear, shame, and self loathing to navigate challenging situations or to cope with painful memories.
As I continue to expand into these possibilities for myself, my desire to share these explorations with others deepens. I am in constant awe of the magic of allowing what is already within another to unfold. As a therapist, I am so privileged to witness these magical moments: of impossibilities becoming possibilities; of inner wars finding new forms of peaceful abiding; of the forces of disconnection finding new trust in deep, authentic, and meaningful relationships. I feel genuinely blessed and honoured to support these incredible discoveries and bloomings.